Divorce, Not Marriage, Is the Problem
Re “We’re Wedded to Cohabitating,” Commentary, Aug. 26: It’s understandable why Teresa Strasser finds marriage an elusive and negative ideal.
Marriage, like attaining most good things in life, requires going through some pain. Profound narcissism, lack of planning (financial and otherwise), lack of shared common values/religious beliefs and a culture that is simply bent on destroying marriage as an institution are the problems.
Another problem with Strasser’s cohabitation ideal is the issue of raising children, which she incidentally left out of her commentary. For every divorce that Strasser is acquainted with, I can point out a successful marriage. This includes my parents’ marriage of 42 years, which only ended due to the death of my mother.
Marriage isn’t the problem, divorce is.
Greg Belluomini
Hawthorne
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Strasser argues that cohabitation “starts to look very appealing,” since “what no one seems to dispute is that the divorce rate is hovering around 60% in this country.” Well, I dispute it, and so would most scholars. The 60% figure (often expressed as “more than half of all marriages today end in divorce”) might have been true 15 years ago, but it’s no longer accurate.
In fact, due to modestly declining divorce rates in recent years, scholars now estimate that about 60% of all first-time marriages today are likely to last for life. Those aren’t terrific odds, but they are significantly better than they used to be. Strasser has been laboring under a false pessimism. Perhaps she ought to take a second look, based on current trends, not old ones.
David Blankenhorn
President
Institute for American Values
New York
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Strasser may be right about her peers doubting whether a marriage can last, but that is a real shame. All marriages cycle through ups and downs, but recent studies show that if a couple can employ relationship skills that help them get through the rough times, they can have a happy, fulfilled marriage.
Madeline Mark
Licensed Clinical Social Worker
Altadena
