Rounding Up the Unusual Suspects to Stand in Offbeat ’01 Review

It’s time for “Windows 2001,” a review of the offbeat from the past year in the Southland.

Caught in traffic like no one else: A Seal Beach man driving his motorcycle on the wrong side of the street was struggling to free his zipper, which was stuck in the throttle. Luckily, it was the zipper on his jacket.

Scotty, beam me up a term paper: Two graduate students from Germany were given fellowships worth $15,300 per year at UC Riverside to study the religious aspects of the TV-movie series “Star Trek.”

As any UC Riverside student could tell you . . .: Correcting a Paramount Pictures announcement about Leonard Nimoy, the PRNewswire said that references to the actor “should read ‘Mr. Spock’ rather than ‘Dr. Spock,’ as originally issued.”

Maybe they need to add some “Star Trek” courses: The Princeton Review’s college guide declared that of 331 schools surveyed, only 14 had students with worse study habits than those of Pepperdine University.

Driving malady of the year: As if traffic weren’t bad enough, John Barrett of Encinitas read about a new problem for drivers (see accompanying).

But motorists stayed awake in Encino: Michael McKown came upon a place that served only high-octane coffee (see photo).

That’s one way to save on dentist bills: A burglar broke into USC’s Dental Science building and stole a drill.

USC could use it as a guard dog: Susan Nooger spotted what could have been the wildest critter of the year (see accompanying).

Unclear on the concept: Jolene Collins saw this sign at a doctor’s office: “Hand Rehabilitation Clinic is Open. Please KNOCK LOUDLY.”

This reality TV thing is really getting out of hand: A visitor to the San Diego Convention Center was surprised to see stickers in the restrooms that said, “Toilet Camera Is for Research Only.” Actually, the stickers were placed by pranksters who found them in Stuff Magazine.

No camera would have stopped them: An Echo Park security patrol company reported in its newsletter:

“7:51 p.m.: Service call re. couple in the back seat of a car in the 2300 block of Vista Gordo. Patrol advised the pair of the active neighborhood watch program, and the couple left without incident.”

The sequel: This was the newsletter’s next item:

“8:37 p.m.--Service call re. same couple, as above, this time in the 2400 block of Avon St. Patrol provided directions to a motel on Sunset.”

Oh, put a lid on it: During the KCET-TV documentary “Pain & Parking in Los Angeles,” one driver revealed why she never gets ticketed when parking near fire hydrants. In her trunk, she carries a bottomless trash container that she uses to cover the hydrant.

Also known as a “pedestrian”: After receiving a report of a “suspicious man” in a hooded sweatshirt running from an auto garage across a street, authorities determined that he was “hurrying across the street to avoid getting hit.”

But drivers would never hit one of these: On the Foothill Freeway, Lisa Dare saw cars slowing to a halt to avoid trampling a spilled load of Teddy Bears.

Irvine Confidential: Police received a complaint of vandalism to a vehicle--specifically, “window smashed with hairbrush by victim’s ex-girlfriend.”

The generations fly by: After backing Steve Soboroff in the mayoral primary, outgoing Mayor Richard Riordan endorsed Antonio Villaraigosa in the runoff, explaining that a leader such as Villaraigosa “comes along only once in a generation.”

Hey! I’m not ready to order! A Seal Beach resident told police he saw three males wearing aprons and waving flashlights run through his yard. They turned out to be waiters from a local restaurant searching for two diners who had sneaked out without paying their bill.

Unofficial business indicators: A breakfast meeting offering survival tips for small companies was held by KFWB-AM (980) at the appropriately named House of Blues.

Perry Mason would have known better: Testifying in a criminal case, an L.A. County sheriff’s deputy was asked by a defense attorney why he had neglected to write down the license plate of the suspect’s vehicle.

“Because your client was shooting at me,” the deputy responded.

And, finally, if flying makes you nervous: Cynthia Lawrence of Toluca Lake overheard a woman in a store lamenting the stories about the “Amtrak virus.”