Fattening Up the Freeway Chickens

“This is not as weird as shampooing your hair behind the wheel,” began the note from Kathy January, referring to the series of stupid driver tricks recounted here.

“But,” she added, “I was on the freeway commute one morning and found myself wondering what the driver in front of me had in mind as she stretched her arm out the window of her Lexus, holding on to something in a plastic grocery bag.

“We proceeded along slowly with her arm outstretched, transitioned onto the San Bernardino Freeway from the 710. As we turned a bend, she thrust the contents of the bag onto the edge of the grassy center median, whereupon two freeway chickens ran out from the bushes to eat a breakfast of what looked like leftover-buttered toast.”

Admitted January: “After that, I tossed those chickens a few leftover muffins out the car window myself until my route changed.”

FREEWAY FOWL HEADED YOUR WAY? I’ve written of the feathery freeway survivors of a 1970s-era poultry truck crash who pecked out a new life along the Hollywood Freeway. And another tribe, possibly related, that was reported farther north, where the Hollywood and Ventura freeways intersect.

Now, a sighting in East L.A.? Are they headed toward Rancho Cucamonga and other San Bernardino County towns, like so many Angelenos before them?

NOTICE--THIS IS NOT A RELATED ITEM: A reader sent a menu from an L.A. restaurant that listed several varieties of chicken, at least one of them deceased (see accompanying).

DON’T REMIND HIM: It was bad enough that someone stole David Stone’s credit card and made $1,834 in purchases at Gucci in Beverly Hills. Stone, of Encino, wasn’t held responsible for the charges, but later, he says, “I received mail from Gucci touting a sale. And I’ve gotten two more letters from them. I’ve never made a purchase there, but I’m on Gucci’s mailing list.”

What’s that saying about society going to heck in a handbag?

TEST RUN: Stone also noticed, by the way, that his stolen credit card was first used for a gasoline purchase. An investigator told him that thieves often test the card at a gas station pump to make sure it’s valid. If it’s not, the pump just spits it out with no human contact. An invalid card presented to a store clerk, on the other hand, might attract attention from security guards.

WHAT WOULD BOB DYLAN SAY? On the subject of those plastic cards, Les Burrden sent along an ad with the comment, “The times, they sure are a changin’. Using a peace sign to sell credit cards--What’s next?” (see accompanying).

PLANE TALK: Jon Sanserino responded to the strange freeway sighting reported here of what appeared to be a converted airplane. He suspects it was, in fact, “a three-wheeled car made by Messerschmitt (yes, the airplane company) during the ‘50s or ‘60s. It was long and skinny and had a sliding canopy like a plane. Very economical. The tandem passenger arrangement reduced wind drag. There were several of them in the Valley when I was in high school.”

Wonder if you could leave one in the passenger loading zone at LAX?

DON’T KNOW MUCH ABOUT GEOGRAPHY: Irwin Rosten of L.A. surmised that the bagel ad he noticed was written by someone in a state of confusion (see accompanying).

miscelLAny:

A colleague saw an SUV in Palos Verdes with the plate EATBUGS. Big tough SUV, picking on little Volkswagens.

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A., 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.