Bowden’s Mark on Game Is Downright Laughable

MIAMI —  The day Bobby Bowden retires as Florida State coach will go down as one of the darkest days in the history of . . . sports journalism.

When Bowden leaves, we scribes should all gather around a Gutenberg press, dab our eyes and launch a 21-pencil salute.

Bowden has fed more writers than IHOP; donated more zingers to charity than any of us have written.

The good news is Bowden, age 71, isn’t going away. He said so Sunday at media day to promote Wednesday’s national title game between Florida State and Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl.

“Why retire, what would I do?” Bowden said. “Now, if I started to have bad health, and couldn’t go out on the field . . . See, I used to not use anything. I just went out there and coached. Then they built me a tower, I got a little bit older and they built me a tower, so then two years ago I got a cart. Now I got a cart I can drive out there, see? Now, next is the walker. Next they’re going to give me a walker. But I ain’t going to retire.”

Why should he?

Bowden has accomplished more in life after age 65 than any man since Colonel Sanders. He is taking his team to its third consecutive national title game and is playing for his fifth championship in eight years.

In an age of parity, Bowden’s Seminoles have for the last 13 years finished ranked fourth or higher in the final Associated Press poll.

With 315 wins, Bowden ranks fourth behind Bear Bryant (323), Joe Paterno (322) and Pop Warner (319).

Paterno and Bowden are cinches to eclipse Bryant’s hallowed mark next year and the smart money thinks Bowden, not Paterno, will end up with the record all coaches will be chasing for years.

“What’s happened to us these last three years is harder than it was 50 years ago,” Bowden said of his team’s success. “When you had teams like Notre Dame and Alabama, they got your players and theirs, there was no [scholarship] limit.

“Parity is a little more obvious today, that’s why I don’t know why we’ve been able to do what we’ve done.”

There are reasons.

1) Bowden recruits the finest players in a state oozing with talent.

2) Until recent defections by Chuck Amato (to North Carolina State) and Mark Richt (Georgia), Bowden has been able to keep his coaching staff intact.

3) Bowden relates to athletes as no other coach of his era.

4) Bowden is one of the greatest front men in the history of show business.

Let us not kid ourselves about this relationship, Bowden and the media.

We have used him and he has used us. He provides us with jokes for our columns and we provide him with political cover.

Bowden speaks softly and carries a big shtick, but it is a mistake to confuse his folksy charm and anecdotal yarns for bumpkin innocence.

Bowden is smarter than anyone knows. He is so endearing and laugh-out-loud funny you forget sometimes there is a method to his gladness.

He knows, with no playoff system, that college football has always been a beauty contest. You win AP votes by winning over AP voters.

So, because Bowden is Bowden, he gets the benefit of doubt.

This isn’t because reporters are on the take and can’t shine a light on the truth.

It is simply human nature. Bowden says things former Nebraska coach Tom Osborne never could have gotten away with.

Last year, at the Sugar Bowl, Bowden gave a masterful dissertation on his team’s off-the-field woes.

Bowden insisted he had standards when it came to player conduct.

“If I had a player commit murder, well, now I would just have to let him go,” he said with a straight face.

When star receiver Peter Warrick was arrested for receiving merchandise at a discounted price from a local department store, Bowden said, “If a player calls and says he’s gotten a good discount, I’ll ask, ‘Where did you get it?’ ”

Bowden deflects frontal blows like a Roman gladiator.

FindLaw, an Internet legal Web site, recently concluded its annual college football poll of renegade programs.

For the second year in a row, Florida State topped FindLaw’s “Tarnished Twenty.”

This year, the Seminoles edged out the U.S. Naval Academy, Duke (thank you Heather Sue Mercer), Missouri and Wisconsin.

FindLaw listed among the Florida State indiscretions: one player’s arrest for allegedly pushing his girlfriend; another player allegedly paying $10 to an undercover officer for sex; a backup quarterback getting cited for an off-campus fight and the arrest of former Seminole kicker Sebastian Janikowski for possession of the date-rape drug, GHB.

Is Bowden to blame for any or all of this?

No more than any other coach of a major college football program.

The difference is nothing sticks to Bowden. For a recent “60 Minutes” profile on Bowden, CBS reportedly tried to find someone to say something critical of Bowden.

CBS is still looking.

Is it easier to write about what comes out of Bowden’s mouth than what sometimes comes out of his program?

Absolutely.

Bowden on Richt, his offensive coordinator, who is leaving after the Orange Bowl: “This is the first time I’ve ever let the head coach at the University of Georgia call my plays.”

Bobby, is it true you have 27 pro prospects on your team?

Bowden: “No, that’s not true. Twenty-six, maybe.”

Bobby Bowden, long may he live.

Long may he coach.

Long may we laugh.