Paterno Is Not Likely to Bag This Bear Soon

Bob Smizik of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, commenting on the “sorry” decline of the once-strong Penn State football program and its frustrated coach, Joe Paterno: “He needs two wins to pass Bear Bryant, and they don’t figure to come soon.

“After playing at Iowa next week, the [Nittany] Lions play Michigan, Northwestern and Ohio State--the three highest-ranked teams in the Big Ten.

“As impossible as it once seemed, the Lions could be 0-6. If this comes to pass, this much is certain. They’ll have achieved that record on merit.”

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Trivia time: Who holds the USC record for touchdown passes in a game?

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Twilight stars: Ron Borges of the Boston Globe, commenting on former New England running back Curtis Martin, who has prospered with the New York Jets: “Martin has become the football equivalent of Roger Clemens, who was in the ‘twilight of a great career,’ according to Red Sox General Manager Dan Duquette when he forced Clemens out.

“If Martin or Clemens were in the twilight of a career, they must have gone to play in Alaska, where twilight lasts nearly 24 hours a day for weeks.”

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Ouch! Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “Alabama’s football program is under NCAA investigation for charges that include academic fraud and hiring strippers to entertain recruits.

“I hear a rumor that one of the strippers calls herself Bare Bryant.”

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More Ostler: “Bulletin: Danny Almonte has been voted into the Little League Hall of Fame, by the veterans committee.”

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Devalued souvenir? The only person rooting harder than Mark McGwire against Barry Bonds reaching 70 home runs or beyond has to be Todd McFarlane.

McFarlane, 40, creator of the ‘Spawn’ comic book, paid $3.05 million for McGwire’s 70th home run ball in 1998.

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Sustained excellence: Mark Camps of the San Francisco Chronicle writes that Clemens is only the third pitcher to win 20 games in three different decades, joining Bob Feller (‘30s, ‘40s and ‘50s) and Warren Spahn (‘40s, ‘50s and ‘60s).

Actually, Walter Johnson was the first to do it, winning 20 in 1910 and then in the teens and in the ‘20s.

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Don’t push it: Bryon Russell, the Utah Jazz forward who was beaten and, replays indicated, shoved by Michael Jordan before Jordan’s title-clinching jump shot in the 1998 NBA finals, says he won’t make an issue of it if Jordan, who retired after that game, returns this season as expected.

“I’m not going to hold a grudge, saying he pushed me off,” Russell said. “Even though he did.”

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Looking back: On this day in 1932, Jimmie Foxx of the Philadelphia Athletics hit his 58th home run in the final game of the season, two short of Babe Ruth’s season record.

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Trivia answer: Rodney Peete, five against Stanford in 1987.

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And finally: “The bartender at our golf club named a drink ‘Lilac Crazy’ in honor of one of the members,” reports PGA Tour Partners magazine.

“Every time the member came to the 19th hole, that’s exactly what he did.”