Lakers Like to Keep Others on Their Toes

They make winning horses carry more weight when they race, and while I’ll get to Shaquille O’Neal in a minute, in some sports they go to amazing lengths to make sure an event remains exciting to the very end.

The NFL calls it parity. The Dodgers employ Jeff Shaw as a closer. The WNBA has yet to think of anything.

The Lakers, having won two consecutive NBA titles, announced they won’t begin playing serious basketball until at least the end of November. I would think a 30-day running start for the rest of the league is fair.

For a month, this will allow the residents in outposts like Sacramento and Portland to ring their cowbells and believe this is their year, and for a few good weeks not dwell on the fact they live in Sacramento or Portland.

In an inspiring message to the rest of the league, Coach Phil Jackson predicted: “I think we’ll get off to a slow start.”

A team spokesman said the Lakers have no intention, however, of reducing ticket prices just because everyone will be going through the motions until O’Neal returns from toe surgery.

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O’NEAL, WHO weighs more than any member along the Denver Broncos’ offensive line, wasn’t ready to play last year either. But Kobe Bryant was, and he put on an amazing one-man show the first month of the season. O’Neal seems to think the same thing will happen again this season.

“Kobe and the guys will hold the fort until I get back in,” O’Neal said.

Obviously, Shaq and Kobe still aren’t talking to each other these days because Kobe comes back to the Lakers this time a married man, which means he has been spending a lot of time just lying around on the couch.

“I got pretty good at it,” Bryant said, and then he grabbed some flab on his hip to prove he’s one of us. ... Sure, as if he puts out the trash cans.

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IT SEEMS to me the championship Chicago Bulls under Jackson liked to play hard from the start--even setting their sights on winning more games than any other team in NBA history. I don’t remember any talk about the Bulls pacing themselves.

But Jackson’s Lakers are different, of course, because they learned a valuable athletic lesson, winning 15 of 16 playoff games after a ho-hum regular season--therefore debunking the notion teams can’t turn it on whenever they want.

For all we know, the Lakers have circled a game in November with the understanding everyone will be in agreement to really give it their all that night. Won’t that be exciting.

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SO WE learn now from Jackson that his soul patch didn’t have as much to do with the positive flow of energy down the center of his body last season as much as the fact he wanted to cover a wart. The wart’s gone, so there’s no more soul patch.

I have a feeling the real story is Jeanie told him it was ugly.

IF THE Notre Dame-USC game comes down to coaching--who wins?

The way things are going at USC, they’re either going to have to bring Paul Hackett or San Jose State back to town so the Trojans can win a game.

I went through this with Dan Henning, who compiled a record of 6-27 in games decided by seven points or fewer with the Chargers--that close to being one of the greatest coaches in NFL history. Henning was fired.

Carroll is 0-3 in close games. Hackett was never 1-3--no USC coach since John McKay, who did it in 1960 and 1961, has begun a season 1-3.

I’m sure that makes Athletic Director Mike Garrett feel better.

UNTIL FURTHER notice, the word “genius” will no longer be used in the same sentence as “Norm Chow,” the name of USC’s offensive coordinator.

A WEEK after a brawl at Oregon, a former player’s arrest for burglary and another apologizing for an altercation that resulted in suspension, the undisciplined Trojans were only hit with a few unsportsmanlike conduct penalties.

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THE DODGERS were in first place the morning of Aug. 11, on top of the wild card heap the morning of Sept. 8, and now will be on their couches at the start of the playoffs.

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THE JIM Murray Sportsmanship Award will be given to former USC baseball coach Rod Dedeaux at the 13th Hugh O’Brien Youth Leadership golf tournament at Wilshire on Oct. 22. I received an invitation to play in the O’Brien Celebrity Putting Contest, which tells me Dwyre, Plaschke, Adande, Thomas, Glick and Atsales have already turned them down. And Atsales never gets invited to anything.

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FERNANDO VARGAS has been sentenced to 90 days in jail, but his trainer said the judge should let him keep training at his Big Bear headquarters while wearing an electronic monitor. I would think he’d get all the training he’d want in jail.

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THERE IS talk now the Dodgers might be ready to anoint Dan Evans as their new general manager based on the splendid job he did in procuring James Baldwin, Mike Trombley and Terry Mulholland, who are a combined 3-11 since joining the Dodgers for the pennant run and giving up only 68 earned runs in 1161/3 innings.

Evans has also been given credit for bringing McKay Christensen to the Dodgers, someone Manager Jim Tracy apparently has no faith in--playing Marquis Grissom and Tom Goodwin instead. It looks to me like the team might have found itself the ideal Dodger Boy II candidate.

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THE DODGERS named Phil Hiatt their minor league player of the year, and he can’t hit a curveball. The other players in the minors must be really bad.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in an e-mail from Inmate 215:

“In following Barry Bonds’ pursuit of Mac’s home run record, I would imagine you and every other sportswriter does not want him to break it. It reminds me of some of the things Hank Aaron had to endure. The individuals who sent Mr. Aaron those anonymous death threats now have jobs as sportswriters.”

You don’t get out much, do you?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.