Strange but true in 2002

When pop archivists wax nostalgic about 2002 in Hollywood, they’ll be hard pressed to top the Winona Ryder shoplifting trial this fall. It featured more breathless worldwide media coverage than the Oscars; a jury that included Peter Guber, the studio chief who’d given Ryder several jobs; and testimony from a Saks security manager who said that when the actress was first detained on suspicion of shoplifting, she claimed she was actually doing research for an acting role.

If only Madonna had such a good cover story for why she made “Swept Away.” All in all, it was a bad year for actors of all stripes and sizes, especially superstars like Eddie Murphy, who had three bombs in a row with “Showtime,” “The Adventures of Pluto Nash” and “I Spy,” putting him right up there with Robert De Niro, who went 0-for-3 with “Showtime,” “City by the Sea” and “Analyze That.”

There was more top talent in bad movies than ever. Just imagine what it must’ve been like to wake up and read the reviews if you were Robin Williams in “Death to Smoochy,” Angelina Jolie in “Life or Something Like It,” Matthew Perry in “Serving Sara,” Heath Ledger in “The Four Feathers,” Charlize Theron in “Trapped,” Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman in “Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” and, well, just about everybody in “Scooby-Doo,” including Matthew Lillard (as Shaggy), who will be sadly overlooked at Oscar time despite the noble efforts of Warner Bros., which actually ran a full-page trade ad touting the actor as a best actor contender. All we can say is, boy, Madonna must be jealous!

Here’s a look back at some of the year’s dubious achievements and other strange-but-true moments:

Yikes, imagine what he would’ve done if he’d lost: When Russell Crowe learned that some poetry he’d read as part of his “Beautiful Mind” best actor acceptance speech had been cut from the televised version of the BAFTA Awards earlier this year, the actor cornered the show’s producer, shoved him up against a wall and bellowed, “Who on earth had the [gosh-darn] audacity to take out the best actor’s poem?”

And that goes double for your personal trainers and yoga instructors: The invitations for VIP screenings of the new Imax version of “The Lion King” instructed celebrities that their offspring could attend the film only if accompanied by their actual parents, bluntly specifying: “Please do not bring nannies.”

He was even happier that he didn’t have to see “The Wedding Planner”: Responding to news that Ben Affleck, his “Good Will Hunting” co-star and childhood buddy, was engaged to marry Jennifer Lopez, Matt Damon told “Extra”: “Ben wasn’t this happy even when he lost his virginity.”

Actually he was preparing for the sequel to “Down and Out in Beverly Hills”: Actor Nick Nolte was charged with driving under the influence on Pacific Coast Highway just days after telling a reporter at the Toronto Film Festival that “I did a little heroin every day” while playing the character of a low-life criminal in the film “The Good Thief.”

Don’t let this guy see “Jackass: The Movie”: Los Angeles Lakers star Shaquille O’Neal played in the Western Conference semifinals this spring with four stitches in his left forearm after the 330-pound center cut himself falling in his bathroom trying to imitate the way “Spider-Man” star Tobey Maguire crawls up the wall of a skyscraper in the movie. Said O’Neal, who wears a Superman tattoo: “That’s what happens when you cross superheroes.”

Of course, he’s never been in a movie with Madonna: Asked about rumors that he’d fooled around with Sandra Bullock while making “Two Weeks Notice,” Hugh Grant responded: “I’ve never done a film where I haven’t been accused of sleeping with my co-star except, thankfully, ‘About a Boy.’ ”

And having sat through some of your recent movies, I’ll do the writing too: Frustrated by Woody Allen’s long-winded answers on the witness stand during this summer’s trial between the filmmaker and ex-producer Jean Doumanian, Judge Ira Gammerman brusquely interrupted Allen during his testimony, saying, “Stop talking. I’ll do the directing.”

Trivial pursuit: This summer’s Harrison Ford-starring film “K-19: The Widowmaker,” had how many producers? A) 5. B) 11. C) 18. (See answer below.)

And they even gave Frank the Pug a bigger trailer: Saying this was a bad year for her career, actress Linda Fiorentino told Variety: “First they gave away my starring role in ‘Men in Black 2’ to Frank the Pug, who’s probably living it up at some posh hotel promoting the film overseas, [and then] somebody sold my home address online for $37. It doesn’t get much worse when your stalking price is that low.”

He must’ve been on vacation when “Pluto Nash” opened: Touting a new two-year deal with Eddie Murphy, DreamWorks co-chief Walter Parkes enthused, “I’ve always known about Eddie Murphy as a performer, but it wasn’t until I sat down with him that I was aware of Eddie Murphy the filmmaker. I was astounded by his understanding of what makes his movies successful.”

Apparently Dave Manning was busy writing a blurb for “Swept Away”: Weeks before his film “Auto Focus” arrived in theaters, director Paul Schrader posted his own five-star review on www.Amazon.com, saying, “ ‘Auto Focus’ slips under the skin of the TV celeb and delivers, without preaching or indicating, a shattering portrait of the clueless American male.”

And speaking of ridicule, whatever you do, don’t read the reviews when the movie comes out: When Steven Soderbergh sent out the script for this year’s low-low-budget film, “Full Frontal,” the director attached a set of rules, cautioning prospective actors that filming would be a very no-frills experience. One warning: “You will drive yourself to the set. If you are unable to drive yourself, a driver will pick you up, but you will probably become the subject of ridicule.”

Now you know how Hugh Grant must feel: When New York City firefighters voiced their displeasure with actress Sandra Bullock for snubbing them when they dropped by a Brooklyn movie set to present her with a T-shirt commemorating her Sept. 11 fund-raising efforts, her handler explained: “It’s not like they made an appointment or anything.”

Personally, we thought it was more like Bud Abbott hiring Lou Costello: When Michael Ovitz hired ex-Columbia Pictures chief Mark Canton as the new head of Ovitz’s short-lived movie producing company, the New York Observer’s Frank DiGiacomo said the deal “feels a little like Moe Howard hiring Larry Fine.”

Trivia answer: None of the above. “K-19: The Widowmaker” had 20 producers, and none of them will need to worry about getting good seats to this year’s Academy Awards.

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“The Big Picture” runs every Tuesday in Calendar. If you have comments, ideas or criticism, e-mail them to patrick.goldstein@latimes.com.