That Rose by Any Other Name Would Still Smell Like Stolen Property

Oh, waiter: Manhattan Beach police officers arrested two women who were “attempting to steal a rose bush from a restaurant,” the Beach Reporter newspaper said. I wonder if the suspects first asked for a large doggie bag. And some gloves.

Haunting refrain: Oldsters and movie buffs will recall the 1953 Western classic, “Shane,” which ends with the hero riding off into the sunset while a youngster yells, “Shane, come back! Come back, Shane!” Shane Snyder of Costa Mesa certainly recalled it, especially when he received one of those personalized computer messages from a company he used to patronize (see accompanying).

I beg your pardon! Nancy and Joe Hart received an invitation from an organization with a suggestive name (see accompanying). I won’t reveal the name of the bedroom community in which it’s located.

Related item? Mark Steinberg received an e-mail from a Web site that apologized for technical difficulties, then made this risque declaration: “Please bare with us as we try to resolve this issue.”

There’ll always be a place for them here: A sign in front of a sandwich shop prompted Henry Weiss of Rowland Heights to write that his first thought was that it meant “parking for Raiders’ fans only” (see photo).

Unclear on the concept: Pat Harris of Camarillo saw an ad for a ladder that is supposed to be pretty sturdy, considering that it’s less than a foot tall (see accompanying). At that size, not sure it really needs to be “slip resistant,” either.

Sports -- of all types: San Diego State ranks No. 10 on Playboy magazine’s list of the “top 25 party schools,” the only other local being UC Santa Barbara (No. 22). All state residents can take some pride in the fact, however, that Cal State Chico is No. 2 (right behind Arizona State).

San Diego State and UC Santa Barbara didn’t fare as well in Sports Illustrated’s rankings of “America’s best sports colleges” coming in at No. 126 and No. 127, respectively (if not respectfully).

I couldn’t find Caltech in either set of rankings, though I was reminded of the team’s famous football cheer: “Secant, cosine, tangent, sine/ Logarithm, logarithm, hyperbolic sine/ 3-point-1-4-1-5-9/ Slipstick, slide rule/ TECH! TECH! TECH!” That’s because Sports Illustrated said that Georgia Tech fans have a variation: “Differential Y, differential X/To hell with differentials/ We want sex!” Oddly enough, Georgia Tech didn’t make Playboy’s list.

miscelLAny: So what was next for KCBS (Channel 2) reporter Dave Lopez after weeks of traveling back and forth to San Diego to cover the David Westerfield murder trial?

Lopez received a summons for jury duty.

He duly reported and was put in a pool for a trial -- a murder trial -- but was bumped from the jury, thus completing his obligation.

He went on vacation afterward. It was definitely time for a change of venue.

*

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LA-TIMES, ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012 and by e-mail at steve.harvey@latimes.com.