Justifiably, He Was Tar Heeled, Feathered

Stephen A. Smith in the Philadelphia Inquirer: “Let’s skip the pleasantries. Matt Doherty deserved to lose his job.

“Never mind his 54-43 record in three seasons at the University of North Carolina. No one should care that he was the national coach of the year just two seasons ago.

“When you become the head man at an institution you once represented as a player and systematically go about corroding everything it stands for, you deserve to be ousted.

“Expeditiously. Abrasively. And without compunction.”

Trivia time: Who holds the record for minutes played in an NBA playoff game without committing a foul?

Bound to happen: A prediction from Bernie Lincicome of the Rocky Mountain News: “Montreal pitcher Orlando Hernandez, El Duque, will go into his motion and tie himself into such a complicated knot he will be given a Boy Scout merit badge.”

A league of his own: Of the 10 teams in Major League Soccer, Philip Anschutz owns six of them, including the Galaxy. That makes him one of the few who can honestly say, “We beat ourselves today.”

Perplexed: Atlanta first baseman Robert Fick, to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, wondering if he was still playing for his former team, Detroit, after the Braves got pounded, 10-2, on opening day: “We looked like the Bad News Bears today. A lot of funny [stuff] happened out there today. I kept looking down at my jersey.”

Indeed, why not? Woody Paige in the Denver Post: “I’ve been sneered at, ridiculed and made a mockery of nationally by assorted boot-lickers and kow-towers because of my recommendation that every college participate in the postseason [basketball] tournament....

“How about 250 Cinderellas? And the random ugly, wicked stepsister? The Colossal Dance is the solution. After all, the principal and teachers don’t pick and choose whom to invite to the prom. Every senior attends.”

Give it a try: Scott Ostler in the San Francisco Chronicle: “You want more juice in the All-Star Game? Make each player and manager throw $50,000 of his own money into a pot, winning team walks away with the pot.

“We’ll see how many at-bats are given to Joe Token. [Pete] Rose would be brought back as a designated runner.”

Pucks to pigskin: From the Caught on the Fly column in the Sporting News: “The NFL, by a wildly wide margin, is the most popular sport in America. But the owners need something to do -- other than count their money -- so they are talking about expanding the playoffs and tinkering with overtime. What’s next, making the footballs glow on TV and expanding into Columbus?”

Trivia answer: Dan Majerle of Phoenix against Chicago, 59 minutes, three overtimes on June 13, 1993.

And finally: Jeff Gordon of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, after Canadian hockey commentator Don Cherry called his country’s media “socialist, left-wing, pinko commies” for lambasting him over his pro-war stance: “Don Cherry answers the question, ‘What if Archie Bunker had been a former NHL coach that landed in broadcasting?’ ”

-- Mal Florence