He’s a Kiner, but Not Gentler, Sort of Yogi

Ralph Kiner left the New York Mets’ broadcast booth six years ago, but the former Pittsburgh Pirate outfielder’s unique way of communicating lives on in cyberspace. Gene Collier of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette trotted out some of his favorite Kinerisms before the Pirates honored the 80-year-old Hall of Famer last week.

An abridged list:

“The Mets have got their leadoff hitter on only once this inning.”

“All of his saves this season have come in relief appearances.”

“Kevin McReynolds stops at third, and he scores.”

“Tony Gwynn has been named player of the year for April.”

“Half of Jeff King’s extra-base hits last year went for extra bases.”

“On Father’s Day, we again wish you all happy birthday.”

Trivia time: Who posted the worst fourth-round score en route to winning the Masters?

Hunkering down: Now that the Stanley Cup playoffs have begun, household chores in Canada may have to be put on hold.

“Good morning, hockey widows,” wrote Bill Lankhof of the Toronto Sun. “Do not attempt to adjust either your television or the puckhead previously known as your Significant Other. Sound and vision problems are temporary.

“Normal transmissions will resume in June -- or as soon as the Maple Leafs are eliminated. Whichever comes first.”

Looking back: Forty years ago today, rookie Pete Rose of the Cincinnati Reds tripled off Pittsburgh’s Bob Friend for his first major league hit.

Twenty-one years later on this day, Rose got his 4,000th hit, a double off Philadelphia pitcher Jerry Koosman.

Misfiring: After the Ducks survived the Detroit Red Wings’ offensive barrage to win Game 1 of their NHL Western Conference playoff series, 2-1, Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press had this observation: “The only thing worse than putting up 64 shots and scoring only twice is putting up 64 shots and scoring only once.”

Give him time: Dwight Perry of the Seattle Times, on the news that the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have signed relief pitcher John Rocker to a minor league deal: “Makes sense, actually. Florida offers Rocker the chance to seek asylum among one of the few social groups he failed to disparage -- senior citizens.”

Playing through: Addressing his waning career, first baseman Mark Grace of the Arizona Diamondbacks told Fox Sports Net: “I am definitely on the back nine. I am at 18, and I have just shoved it out of bounds.”

Trivia answer: Arnold Palmer, whose three-over-par 75 in 1962 left him in a tie with Gary Player and Dow Finsterwald at eight-under 280 after 72 holes. In an 18-hole playoff, Palmer shot a 68, beating Player by three strokes and Finsterwald by nine.

And finally: Jeff Miller of the Miami Herald, on Michael Jordan’s final days in the NBA, with his Washington Wizards eliminated from the playoff chase: “This isn’t right, this career that soared above the clouds ending in a slumped and heaving heap, tossed aside like another sweaty towel. Jordan used to stick his tongue out before dazzling us. Now his tongue is out because it’s dragging.”

-- Jerry Crowe