Her dates stir the haiku poet’s soul
The names have been changed to protect me from hate mail. Not in chronological order.
CHIP
Tall, dark and handsome
Never heard of Puccini
Too bad he’s so dense.
*
REED
Tooting your own horn
Playing the same whiny note
Hungry musician.
*
DANNY
Wannabe actor
Cooing over new babies
He is too sincere.
*
CHAD
Penny-wise player
Flirting with other women
Not short, a small man.
*
LUKE
He loves Jesus Christ
Not sleeping in the same bed
Maybe he is gay.
*
WILL
Gorgeous pale blue eyes
Great body, knows how to dress
Definitely gay.
*
BEN
Hails from the Heartland
Jewish boy with fishing rod
Who eats at Denny’s.
*
ERROL
He made me dinner
But his only appetite
Was for Wild Turkey.
*
ELIJAH
Born to mild Quakers
But mind you do not shake him
Rage in the machine.
*
JETHRO
Doesn’t like ballet
Never heard of Thai iced tea!
Why should I bother?
*
ABE
Chandelier brusher
Downs three beers, two vodka shots
Known as “Big Daddy.”
*
DUKE
Two makeout sessions
Never heard from him again
Too busy surfing.
*
GUIDO
The calls never stop
How did he get my e-mail?
Make him go away!
*
DICK
Buys me cheap jewelry
Can never get hold of him
Doh -- he is married!
*
ROLF
My cat made him sneeze
He lives 90 miles away
Besides, he is short.
*
THE KEEPER
Always kept his head
Dating under the dangling
Sword of Sam-ocles!
Samantha Bonar can be contacted by e-mail at samantha.bonar@latimes.com.
