Gephardt Is Given 10 Chances to Lighten Up

With exactly one week until the Iowa caucuses, Rep. Dick Gephardt popped up in Manhattan, of all places, on Monday night. He was in town to raise money and make a speech this morning on foreign policy. But he also dropped into the Ed Sullivan Theater at Broadway and 53rd Street to deliver the nightly Top Ten list for the “Late Show with David Letterman” on CBS.

Before the event, the show’s joke writers e-mailed the list to the Gephardt campaign for clearance. The candidate, not known for stand-up comedy on the stump, was grateful for the chance to show a lighter side. His typical jokes run to the “Dick and Jane” genre, playing off his wife’s name.

As recited by the Missouri congressman, the Top Ten Signs You’ve Been on the Campaign Trail Too Long included No. 10: “Every speech begins: ‘It’s great to be wherever the hell I am today!’ ”; No. 9: “You’ve hired Pete Rose to manage your campaign funds”; No. 6: “You ask yourself, ‘What would Schwarzenegger do?’ ”; No. 3: “You actually attempt to show a pie chart on the radio” (something Dennis J. Kucinich did during last week’s National Public Radio debate); and No. 1: “Get caught polling yourself.”

A Dead Language

Massachusetts Sen. John F. Kerry couldn’t catch a break Saturday when it came to warm-up acts along the campaign trail. In Dubuque, state Sen. Michael Connolly likened the candidate to underdog racehorse Seabiscuit and said of the candidate’s chances: “If he doesn’t win, he’s gonna get close.”

But first there was Davenport. In the packed Keppy 4-H Hall of the Mississippi Valley Fairgrounds, firefighters nailed their call-and-response cheer: “I say president, you say Kerry!” “President!” “Kerry!” “President!” “Kerry!”

Then came Susan Pamperin, party and union activist, who was the opening act for the headliners, Kerry and his Massachusetts colleague, Sen. Edward M. Kennedy.

“I’m telling you, this is a carpe diem situation coming up in nine days! Carpe diem, Team Kerry! Can you say it?” she asked the audience.

Apparently not. As the perplexed crowd rustled and muttered, one young supporter turned to his friend in the crowded auditorium: “Carpe diem?” he asked, puzzled. His friend’s reply: “I dunno.”

Who’s Counting?

The top five states with the largest percentage of white residents:

1. Maine (96.5%)

2. Vermont (96.2%)

3. New Hampshire (95.1%)

4. West Virginia (94.6%)

5. Iowa (92.6%)

Duly Quoted

“If you’re looking for the Democratic candidate who can do the best job of sniping at other Democratic candidates, I’m not your guy.” -- Sen. John Edwards, to George Stephanopolous on ABC’s “This Week.”

Compiled from staff, Web and wire reports by Times staff researcher Susannah Rosenblatt.