One Shot Can Reel In All the Neighborhoods

Touchy-feely we are not.

We tend to double-bolt our doors, avoid eye contact with neighbors and keep our hands locked in the “10-2” steering wheel position to prevent us from becoming road-rage kill.

Meet my new best friend: automated teller.

We are perpetually on Amber Alert.

We are Angelenos -- proud, equity rich, spread thin and spread out.

We have no there here, no common watering hole, no central kiosk.

Every once in a while, though, Kirk Gibson hits a home run and Derek Fisher makes a basket and we -- from Tarzana to Temecula -- do the “Mary Tyler Moore” show group hug.

Funny that in a town of doctors, lawyers, actors and editors, it takes a backup guard to bring us closer.

Maybe in Los Angeles, because of our enormous floor plan, it takes a village and a series-turning jump shot to raise a child.

Fisher’s dramatic swish to beat the San Antonio Spurs Thursday will forever be known in these parts as the “shot heard ‘round my cul-de-sac.”

About 10 school-age boys were in the street playing basketball when Fisher made his game-winning basket at the buzzer. These dopey kids, wide-eyed optimists all, put the game in the refrigerator after the Lakers built a 16-point, third-quarter lead.

From the street, at the moment Fisher’s shot fell, the kids said they heard simultaneous shrieks emanating from all over the neighborhood. They rushed to their respective homes to hear news of the miracle and, thanks to the wonder that is TiVo, watched the frame-by-frame reconstruction of Fisher’s shot.

I don’t remember this much excitement over the moonwalk, but I remember a similar street buzz.

I was in a movie house when hop-along Dodger Gibson hit his home run to defeat Oakland in Game 1 of the 1988 World Series. I even remember the movie: “Bird,” about jazz legend Charlie Parker. You knew immediately after walking out of the theater something big had happened. There was electricity in the air. Folks in a local coffee shop kept saying, “Can you believe it?” as I kept thinking, “Believe what? Believe what!?”

Fisher’s moment was at least as memorable.

The best part about Thursday?

In a week saturated with bad news and graphic photographs, here was a shot we could rally around -- a shot that didn’t kill anybody.

It was pure and painless. In execution and in form, it was poetry.

It was a shot in the arm.

It was a shot for the ages -- all ages.

More second thoughts ...

* Angel roster decimated by injuries.

The Angels’ community services department announced a policy switch. Instead of Angel players visiting sick kids in the hospital this week, kids will visit sick Angels.

* Document found in Pittsfield, Mass., dates baseball to at least 1791.

What we’ve learned so far about the early days of baseball:

Ben Franklin’s death in 1790 ended publication of his must-read “Hot Stove League” notebook.

George Washington once lost his teeth throwing out the ceremonial first pitch.

Franklin revealed to friends he invented bifocals to help umpires see the outside pitch.

James Madison originally wanted the “infield fly rule” inserted into rough draft of the Constitution.

First “Coonskin Cap Night” held at Boonesborough Field in 1793.

Philadelphia Freedoms’ fans booed Santa Claus.

Players’ union, from the start, opposed random testing for apple cider.

Long-suffering Concord Cub fan once reached over Fort Field wall to take an out away from the home nine’s left fielder.

In 1790, whiz-kid general manager released controversial book called “Halfpence Ball.”

Famous statesman and baseball ink endorsement deal with brewery and coin phrase, “Make It a Samuel Adams.”

* Britney Spears reportedly has a crush on Laker rookie Luke Walton.

A match made in heaven provided she teaches Luke how to shoot better, and he teaches Britney how to sing better.

* Movie “Troy” opens in theaters.

Only in Hollywood could a movie about the 2003 USC football season get done this fast. And while I think Brad Pitt is too young in the part of Trojan Coach Pete Carroll, Orlando Bloom is perfectly cast as offensive coordinator Norm Chow.

* Syracuse shortens nickname to Orange.

Next on Syracuse’s list of things to shorten: winter.

* Penn State Coach Joe Paterno receives contract extension through 2008.

Paterno will be 81 when his contract expires. Here’s hoping it does before he does.

* Fourteen-year-old soccer star Freddy Adu struggles with D.C. United.

This is what can happen when you sign a player who is only five years older than the league.

* Arsenal becomes first football team since 1889 to finish a season unbeaten in English Premier League.

Spokesman for the undefeated 1972 Miami Dolphins says the record is bogus because Arsenal finished with 12 ties.

* Contrary to reports, the UCLA football program does not plan to “un-retire” Jerry Robinson’s uniform No. 84.

Numbers UCLA would like to bring out of retirement include 66 (points scored against Texas and Houston in 1997), 56 (points scored against California in 2001) and 52 (points scored against Arizona State in 2001, Arizona in 1998 and Washington in 1997).

* Chicago Cub pitcher Mark Prior becomes USC graduate.

It was reported that Prior is one of only 17 active major league players with a college degree, which proves what I’ve been saying for years about big leaguers: all cap, no gown.

* Max Kellerman’s first show on Fox Sports Net earns national rating of 0.0.

Fox is not discouraged. With a little more promotion, the network says the Kellerman show can eventually pull a rating of 0.4, henceforth known in the cable industry as “Derek Fisher numbers.”