Trading Insults Is Nothing New in the ‘War Between the State’

A Dodgers-Giants pennant fight only intensifies the bad feelings between El Lay and Ess Eff, as the late San Francisco columnist Herb Caen used to call the cities. Which makes this the perfect time to stock up on the insults compiled by Jon Winokur in “The War Between the State -- Northern California vs. Southern California.”

Here, for example, are comments by some observers who did not leave their hearts in cable-car land:

* “The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.” (Mark Twain)

* “San Francisco: A hand-tinted postcard left inside the house too long to molder and fade. Its ink is blurred, the message trivial.” (Carolyn See)

* “Nothing important has ever come out of San Francisco, Rice-A-Roni aside.” (Michael O’Donoghue)

Myself, I won’t join this chorus. I love Frisco.

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In rebuttal: Some not-so-kind descriptions of L.A. in “The War Between the State”:

* “A large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.” (Fran Leibowitz)

* “There are two kinds of air: regular and chunky style.” (Johnny Carson)

* “When it’s 5 below in New York, it’s 78 in Los Angeles, and when it’s 110 in New York, it’s 78 in Los Angeles. There are 2 million interesting people in New York -- and only 78 in Los Angeles.” (Neil Simon)

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Whoops -- don’t want the Valley to feel left out: Bob Hope defined it this way: “Cleveland with palm trees.”

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Thanks for the warning! Serene Lazar of Sherman Oaks noticed an ad for some apartments that seem to lack good rooms (see accompanying).

Guide to adventurous dining: The specials du column (see accompanying) include:

* A snack bar with some wiggly treats (submitted by David Sheats).

* A deep-fried Japanese dish slathered on a painting (Jonathan Lubin).

Maybe the writer meant “tempera” (OK, I admit it, I had to look that one up).

* And an alcoholic beverage prepared in an unusual way (Roxie Goodman).

Never again will I poke fun at those signs that advertise “Cold Beer.”

Strikeouts and fumbles: It was eight years ago this week that Republican presidential nominee Bob Dole visited Southern California and congratulated the “Brooklyn” Dodgers on a big win.

He was speaking 38 years after the Dodgers had left that borough, but you know how time flies.

No comparable sports gaffes this time around for the candidates, though Sportsbybrooks.com reports that the Democrats’ John Kerry did refer to Lambeau Field, home of the Green Bay Packers, as “Lambert Field,” apparently mixing it up with the airport in St. Louis.

As a result, the Green Bay Post-Gazette said two Washington-based attorneys had started a group called “Football Fans for Truth.”

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miscelLAny: Phyllis Martin of Sun City notes that a “Shoe Repair” sign in Hemet is adjacent to a “Kick Boxing” sign.