No Dearth of Greed and Graft in 2005

Any year in which you don’t stumble forward and drop dead from the side effects of an inadequately tested pharmaceutical company drug can be counted as a pretty good year, and most of us seem to have survived 2005.

I can’t think of a better way to celebrate our collective health and prosperity than with my annual review of noteworthy achievements in the business world.

Vioxx Maker Is Accused of Scientific Misconduct

“A cardiologist testifying in Merck & Co’s. federal trial in Houston over Vioxx accused the drug maker of engaging in scientific misconduct, suppressing clinical evidence and stifling medical discourse as it promoted the painkiller.”

Big deal. One cardiologist thinks he knows something. How about a second opinion?

Merck Hit by Flood of Vioxx Lawsuits

“Eight weeks after a Texas jury handed drug maker Merck & Co. a $253-million verdict in its first Vioxx product-liability trial, the number of Vioxx lawsuits is rising like floodwater.”

OK, so one pharmaceutical company has a problem or two. That doesn’t taint the entire industry, does it?

McKesson Aims for Low Profile in Wake of Accounting Scandal

Yeah, but still.

Pfizer Sees Net Income Decline 52%

Firm’s third-quarter sales hurt by two drug safety warnings.

Disastrous. Is there any way for Big Pharma to make up the losses?

Retail Drug Prices Increase 25% in 5 Years, Report Finds

Oh, now I get it.

And prices should continue to rise thanks to a Medicare prescription plan that was a gift to the pharmaceutical industry. Not to mention the way things worked out in California’s special election, in which the industry shelled out millions to defeat a consumer-sponsored bill to lower drug prices.

Our pharma-friendly governor didn’t stand in their way, either. But as he keeps telling us, he is never influenced by special interests.

Gov. to Be Paid $8 Million by Fitness Magazines

The publications rely heavily on advertising for dietary supplements. Schwarzenegger vetoed a bill that would have regulated their use.

You do have to admit that it’s fun having a governor who was in business with the company that publishes the National Enquirer.

Tabloid Tried to Suppress Videotape

American media bought a risque Schwarzenegger movie soon after the future governor joined the recall campaign.

But my favorite Arnold headline of the year was this one:

Hunt for Tax Cheats Is Curbed by Governor

Schwarzenegger says the bills are unfair to employers.

Thank you, Arnold. That’s the theme of my annual review.

When we create a more friendly business climate, and get government off the backs of corporate America, benefits abound.

Chief Executive Pay Increases 12.6%

See what I mean? Among the many advantages to $10 million average salaries for CEOs is that it makes them less inclined to filch additional funds from the company.

Many Knew of Tyco Bonuses, Witness Says

“Tyco International Ltd.’s auditors knew about millions of dollars of bonuses that former Chief Executive L. Dennis Kozlowski was later accused of stealing, a witness at his fraud trial testified Monday.”

Yeah, but Kozlowski is a model citizen compared to the scoundrels at my cable company.

Prosecutors Seek 215-Year Terms in Adelphia Trial

By coincidence, that’s how long it takes to get a live person on the line when you call Adelphia.

WorldCom CFO Called Crafty Liar

So what’s that mean, a $7-million bonus?

Top Oil Execs to Testify on Profits

They will address a Senate hearing focusing on the energy industry’s skyrocketing earnings.

Gas-pump gouging after Hurricane Katrina? Who, us?

Scrushy on Tape Says ‘Everybody Goes Down’

And the former chief executive of HealthSouth wasn’t talking about wintering in Florida, but rather about what would happen if company records became public.

Northrop Agrees to Settle Fraud Charges

Shouldn’t a military contractor, on principle, fight to its death?

Titan Pleads Guilty in Bribery

Guess not. And by the way, is there an honest politician or military contractor in all the land?

Rep. Cunningham Pleads Guilty to Bribery, Resigns

Veteran lawmaker admits receiving $2.4 million from military contractors and evading more than $1 million in taxes.

Don’t hang your head, Duke Cunningham. Any politician with the nerve to sell a house to a military contractor at a jacked-up price and move into an 8,000-square-foot mansion with Persian rugs and a French commode goes directly into the Graft and Corruption Hall of Fame.

Where, by the way, you might bump into a few friends.

Lobbyist Charged in Fraud Inquiry

Michael Scanlon, once an aide to Tom DeLay, is expected to cooperate with prosecutors in the investigation of former partner Jack Abramoff.

I know, I know. Hard to keep track of all the players this year. What do they have on DeLay?

DeLay Helped Cement GOP Ties to Lobbyists

His pressure helped turn business groups into a key part of the party’s political machine.

And that’s against the law?

Wal-Mart Execs Knew of Illegal Workers, U.S. Says

Hey, illegal immigrants work cheap. It’s no accident that Wal-Mart is a gargantuan cash factory and the world’s leading business model.

Wal-Mart Memo Blurs Its Message on Benefits

As the retailer vows to widen coverage, the document suggests bold steps to cut health costs.

Yes, but the tube socks are dirt cheap.

Wal-Mart Denied Meal Breaks, Jury Told

Healthcare, lunch breaks. Next thing you know, those ingrates will be demanding respectable wages.

I could go on, of course; there was no shortage of graft and greed in 2005. Instead, I’ll send you on your way with the wish of a Happy New Year and one last headline:

Trial of Enron Ex-Executives Scheduled for 2006

Times researcher Vicki Gallay contributed to this column. Reach the columnist at steve.lopez@latimes.com and read previous columns at www.latimes.com/lopez