Cross-Town Rivals Don’t Take Shots

In one corner of the dim Staples Center hallway Tuesday, Mighty Duck executive Brian Burke leaned against a wall, his lower lip packed with snuff, his left arm in a sling.

“I’ll say it again,” he said. “We don’t like the Kings. They don’t like us. Period.”

In a bare office a few doors down, King Coach Andy Murray leaned across a desk and smiled.

“The Ducks are hoping to change their image,” he said. “The Ducks want to be more like us.”

They’re trying. They’re really trying.

Having coexisted in peace for a dozen years, our town’s two hockey teams uneasily met each other at the back fence this fall as if ordered there by the NHL’s director of choreography.

Ducks: “For hockey to make a comeback in Los Angeles, we have to start hating each other.”

Kings: “Hate each other? We barely know each other.”

Ducks: “We’ll get our new owner to pop off.”

Kings: “We’ll sign Jeremy Roenick.”

And it began last summer, both teams attempting to stir the long-unwatched pot, create some steam, attract some curiosity seekers, give them an explosion or two.

There was trash talking, followed by an exhibition brawl, followed Tuesday night by the first of eight meetings that were sure to be ...

Script doctor!

It’s not working. It’s not selling. It wasn’t that exciting. Not yet, anyway.

The Kings beat the Ducks, 3-1, in a game devoid of several things that make rivalries great.

Missing, first, were the fans. There were chunks of empty Staples Center seats despite the announced sellout of 18,118. Hmmm. Now we know what the Dodgers’ accountants are doing for the winter.

Missing, also, was the buzz. The teams that attacked each other in an exhibition lacked the sort of extra passion that momentarily convinced us of their dislike.

It was like watching other great Southern California rivalries along the lines of, you know, Angels vs. Padres.

The most vicious shot of the game was delivered by Duck henchman Kip Brennan on the Kings’ Tim Gleason, a dirty high stick to the head in the second period.

Yet there was no obvious retaliation. There was no added fire. The lug spent four minutes in the penalty box watching his team kill the penalty, and that was that.

It was a game of missed opportunities, momentary lapses and nothing that made the heartbeat faster than this dude the Kings have hired to pound a drum.

Remember last summer when the Ducks’ new owner Henry Samueli threw out the first dis?

“We want fans in Southern California to come watch the best hockey in Southern California, and that’s going to be here,” he said of the Pond.

Well, on Tuesday, Samueli didn’t show.

Remember when Roenick joined the Kings soon thereafter and threw his memorable counterpunch?

“We’re going to kick their [butts],” he said of the Ducks.

Well, on Tuesday, he was out with a groin injury.

“I’m dying, I’m really dying here,” he said, walking into the arena just before the opening faceoff, wearing a coat and tie and grimace. “Of all the games to miss, this is not one that I need.”

When pressed, Roenick acknowledged that his original statement was more hype than prediction.

“To create excitement about hockey, you have to spark a rivalry, you have to get people excited, I was trying to do that,” he said.

But don’t you, like, hate them or something?

“No, no, no, do not misrepresent stirring the pot with a lack of respect,” he said. “I respect the heck out of those guys. We have a saying in this game. Respect ‘em, but don’t show ‘em.”

Not exactly fighting words.

Despite the Kings’ best start in 15 years, it has been a struggle convincing folks around here to be excited about any sort of hockey.

Tuesday wasn’t the first time there have been chunks of empty seats in a Staples Center that the Kings usually fill.

The games are quicker, but the extra penalties are maddening. The goals have increased, but so have the stoppages.

The Kings are fun, they have a great mix of young stars (Dustin Brown), old hands (Luc Robitaille), solid veterans (Craig Conroy) and, of course, loose lips (Sean Avery and Roenick).

The Ducks aren’t so fun, not yet, with reckless play and poor special teams and an injured Jean-Sebastien Giguere.

The Kings are behaving like the established franchise, the Ducks are acting like the rebuilding one -- they’re clearly not on the same ice at the moment.

But there’s no reason they can’t put on a great show every time they play each other, is there?

“Well, yeah, to have a truly great rivalry, teams have to play each other in the playoffs, maybe more than once,” said Roenick. “That’s when people really get going.”

For the record, the Kings are 28-22-11 against the Ducks but, indeed, have never met in the playoffs.

“It almost felt like a playoff game, the way it was,” said unbeaten King rookie goalie Jason LaBarbera of Tuesday’s win.

The key word there was, almost.

In the end, this game didn’t feel like anything more than an average regular-season skate.

A distracted city, and a desperate sport, need it to be more.

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Bill Plaschke can be reached at bill.plaschke@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Plaschke, go to latimes.com/plaschke.