Texans, 49ers File a New Fright Plan

In their ongoing joust to claim the No. 1 slot in next April’s NFL draft, the Houston Texans and San Francisco 49ers combined Sunday to score one touchdown and net 170 yards passing and get outgained by the opposition by an average of 82.5 yards.

Same old same old. Except for one thing.

The Texans and the 49ers won their games.

On the same day.

Of course, it took a combined nine field goals to get it done.

And two opponents with significant quarterbacking issues of their own.

And, probably, voodoo magic and the stars in rare alignment and dozens of sacrificial cows and pigs being roasted in pregame tailgating ceremonies outside Houston’s Reliant Stadium and San Francisco’s Monster Park -- and aren’t those two of most aptly named facilities in the league?

At Reliant Stadium, where home fans had become resolutely reliant on the home team’s bumbling away all reasonable hope for victory, the Texans rode four field goals by Kris Brown to a 19-16 victory over Cleveland, ending their bid to become the NFL’s first team to complete a 16-game regular-season schedule winless.

At Monster Park, where the home team’s frightening brand of football will have most of the roster searching for new jobs come January, the 49ers got five field goals out of Joe Nedney and not a thing more, holding on for a 15-10 triumph over Tampa Bay.

At first glance, these results were considered upsets, because the Texans entered Week 8 with an 0-6 record and Tampa Bay arrived in San Francisco at 5-1, atop the NFC South standings.

But upon further review, it was learned that the Browns continue to be quarterbacked by Trent Dilfer and the Buccaneers, who were once quarterbacked by Dilfer before learning there were better ways, are not the same team when Brian Griese is hurt and Chris Simms is throwing interceptions in his place.

Dilfer, who netted 73 yards passing in a Week 7 loss to Detroit, was moderately better in Houston, passing for 185 yards without throwing an interception. But he completed less than 50% of his attempts and guided the Browns to only a solitary touchdown against the AFC’s worst defense and lost to a team that received only 138 yards passing from its quarterback, David Carr.

The Buccaneers have more explaining to do. They managed only a touchdown and a field goal against the NFL’s worst defense and lost to a team that netted 50 yards passing and was down to a former fourth-string-quarterback-and-rodeo-rider named Cody by game’s end. Two weeks ago, Cody Pickett was looking up at a far-from-fearsome 49er quarterback depth chart that included Tim Rattay, Alex Smith and Ken Dorsey. Pickett was fourth-string on possibly the worst team in the NFL. He was miles closer to the Arena League than ever taking a snap on an NFL Sunday.

But then weird stuff started to happen. Smith, the No. 1 pick in the 2005 draft, was promoted to starter, then got hurt. Rattay got traded to Tampa Bay. Suddenly, Dorsey and Pickett moved up to 1-2 on the San Francisco depth chart -- and when Dorsey injured his ankle in the fourth quarter against the Buccaneers, the 49ers were down to Howdy Cody time.

For the record, Pickett completed his only pass attempt for 10 yards, but did not fall down or fumble or do anything else to disrupt an 11-play, 42-yard drive that set up Nedney’s final field goal of the afternoon.

That was more than Simms could say. Simms passed for 264 yards, numbers that were negated by two interceptions and a lost fumble that set up the drive that set up Nedney’s final field goal.

On a day when the league’s two worst teams won, some of the NFL’s better teams lost, sometimes in startling fashion.

* The Washington Redskins, coming off a 52-point outburst against the 49ers, followed that up with a zero-point outburst against the New York Giants as Mark Brunell passed for 65 yards and Clinton Portis rushed for nine in a 36-0 defeat.

* The Jacksonville Jaguars were caught looking ahead to their AFC South showdown against Indianapolis and lost to the Rams in St. Louis, 24-21. Of course, the Jaguars’ big game against the Colts doesn’t happen until Dec. 11, so Jacksonville had better watch out for another trap game next week against Houston ... and another against Baltimore after that one ... and another against Tennessee after that one ... and two more against Arizona and Cleveland after that one.

* The Philadelphia Eagles, who needed to block a field-goal try and run it back for a touchdown to beat San Diego last week, traveled to Denver and found themselves only five blocked-field-goals-and-touchdown-returns shy of victory. Donovan McNabb got off the plane and didn’t complete a pass until his 13th attempt, Denver received 100-yard-plus rushing performances from Mike Anderson and Tatum Bell and the Broncos routed the reigning NFC champions, now known as the Philadelphia 49ers, 49-21.

It was also not a very good day for formerly good teams.

Brett Favre, showing signs of age and/or his incredible shrinking supporting cast, had five passes intercepted -- a regular-season first for him -- as the Green Bay Packers dropped to 1-6 after a 21-14 loss to the Cincinnati Bengals.

Daunte Culpepper, who also threw five interceptions against the Bengals in Week 2, probably saw his long nightmare of a 2005 season end before Halloween. Culpepper was knocked out of the Minnesota Vikings’ 38-13 loss to Carolina because of a potential season-finishing knee injury in the first quarter.

That pretty much removes the Packers and the Vikings from the NFC North race, such as it is. Chicago now leads the division after an overtime victory (of course) over Detroit, a 19-13 win that was decided by an intercepted pass (of course).

“How about those Bears!” Chicago Coach Lovie Smith exulted in front of reporters afterward. How about them? They are 4-3. Hard to get excited about those numbers in a town where the baseball team from the South Side just went 11-1 in the postseason.