A star is born, and we all pay for it
2002
October: Pop singer Jenna McGlusky wins first place on “American Idol.”
November: Jenna appears on cover of People magazine, “Entertainment Tonight,” “The Tonight Show” and “Live With Regis and Kelly.”
December: Jenna is featured in O magazine, discusses her trailer park beginnings in Modesto, Calif., and dumpster-diving years in New York’s East Village.
2003
January: Jenna records album, “The Best of Jenna McGlusky,” wins 23 Grammys, is interviewed by Barbara Walters.
February: Jenna is photographed with Ben Affleck, Ethan Hawke, Brad Pitt and Jude Law, but denies a serious romance with any of them.
March: Jenna announces engagement to Brad Pitt.
April: Jenna leaves Pitt for Hawke, attends Lakers game with Law.
May: Jenna is caught shoplifting at Wal-Mart, receives suspended sentence but bravely opts for a month in jail. Upon release, announces conversion to Scientology.
June: Jenna brings out self-help manual, diet book and workout DVD.
July: Jenna publishes ghost-written autobiography, “My Very Own Little Book,” with details of abused childhood -- frequent spankings, a mother addicted to caffeine and red meat, and an “absent father” who flew for Qantas Airways.
August: Jenna becomes partner in SoSo (South of South Street), a New York restaurant specializing in retro cuisine (Jell-O molds, liverwurst sandwiches).
September: Jenna makes film debut in “Girlz N Stuff”; goes to video during editing.
October: Jenna enters rehab for untreated high-carb addiction.
November: Jenna announces line of designer sweat socks.
December: Jenna’s second album is released and zooms to No. 6,741 on the charts.
2004
January: Jenna travels to Iraq to entertain troops, is moved to Somalia unit.
February: Jenna is stricken with chronic fatigue syndrome, enters hospital for long nap.
March: After two-day stay, Jenna tells her story on “Larry King Live.”
April: Jenna becomes spokeswoman for chronic fatigue syndrome, appears on telethon with other CFS victims wearing bedraggled gray ribbon.
May: Jenna guests on “Oprah” to discuss failed career, marriage, diet, ribbon, future comeback.
June: Jenna accepts recurring role as nurse on “Guiding Light.”
July: Jenna makes infomercial for the JennaCycle workout system.
August: Jenna goes on tour in West Virginia as Rizzo in “Grease.”
September: After conversion from Scientology to the Kabbalah, Jenna is born again at Lourdes and begins new career singing at Billy Graham crusades.
October: Jenna announces she will host 3 a.m. public access show, “Jenna!”
November: Jenna becomes roving goodwill ambassador for UNICEF, is met with protest signs in Somalia.
December: Jenna moves from William Morris Agency to Feinshreiber Associates, which announces she will star on reality TV show focusing on her wild, uninhibited daily life -- shopping, getting hair cut, taking cat to vet, screaming at agent.
2005
January: Jenna emerges from closet as transsexual and is cast as surfer dude on new sitcom “Hey, Guess Who?”
February: Jenna announces retirement and moves to Wyoming with the new man and woman in her life and their seven adopted kids from various continents.
March: Jenna appears in AARP magazine with other premature retirees.
May: Jenna debuts on QVC selling designer nose and tongue rings.
June: Jenna comes out of retirement for farewell tour.
July: The Star headlines Jenna has incurable illness, acute hammertoe.
August: Jenna receives Seventeen’s lifetime achievement award, People’s Choice certificate of merit, Kennedy Center backstage pass.
September: Jenna announces misdiagnosis for terminal hammertoe.
October: Jenna cuts first country album, opens barbecue pit in Branson, Mo.
2006
January: Jenna disappears; search party abandons hunt after 45 minutes.
March: Rolling Stone asks, “Whatever Happened to Jenna McGlusky?”
April: Jenna discovered cleaning bathrooms in a Chula Vista nursing home, decides to resume career over outcries from agent and public.
