Bruins, Neuheisel meet cute, but will love bloom?

Everyone at USC had already heard about UCLA’s hiring of Rick Neuheisel, and as one of Pete Carroll’s assistant coaches put it after practice, “Well, Pete’s not the cutest coach in town anymore.”

When I mentioned that to Carroll, he said, “no way anybody on my staff said that,” but oh yes they did -- Neuheisel already getting the jump on Carroll in the land of the beautiful.

On a bright note, though, as I told Carroll, UCLA didn’t hire a Harbaugh, but just the same, I said, “I figured I still might find you a little nervous now that Neuheisel has been hired.”

“Shaking,” Carroll said.

IT APPEARS UCLA took the USC approach -- taking the time to let every coach in America turn down the job before finding someone desperate enough to take it.

It also looks like UCLA was doing everything it could to find someone other than Neuheisel, or it just took that long to complete his background check.

“We’ve been waiting for the smoke to come out of the Vatican,” joked Carroll, his own hiring having taken forever as well when Dennis Erickson, Mike Bellotti and Mike Riley all said “no thanks” to Mike Garrett before an unemployed Carroll got a look.

This UCLA mess, though, began with a search firm hired to put together a list of names, and ended with the first name mentioned and then crossed off the list.

Times reporter Chris Foster, writing “the search for a new UCLA football coach has begun” in early December, also noted in the third paragraph, “Former Washington and Colorado coach Rick Neuheisel will not be considered for the job, according to one of the sources,” who also told him Boise State’s Chris Petersen was the top choice for the job.

Keep in mind that he didn’t report it was a source who necessarily knew what he was talking about.

Al Golden pulled his name from consideration because Temple’s program offered more promise, while Dick Harmon of the Deseret News in Utah reported that Norm Chow called UCLA quarterback Ben Olson twice and then Chow said he no longer wanted to be considered for the job. I presume Olson told him he had plans to return to UCLA next season.

San Diego Union-Tribune columnist Nick Canepa wrote Saturday morning, “Word on the street is that [Detroit offensive coordinator] Mike Martz will be the next UCLA football coach, replacing fellow San Diegan Karl Dorrell.”

Times UCLA blogger Rich Perelman was reporting a different story at the same time, quoting a “credible source” who was telling him “that UCLA Athletic Director Dan Guerrero took a flight to San Francisco for the purpose of speaking with Oregon State coach Mike Riley [Saturday] morning about the UCLA head coaching position.”

That must have been one terrible interview, or a credible source now lacking only one thing -- credibility.

A “source,” and I presume this was a different source lacking credibility, was telling CSTV that UCLA is “considering Carolina Panther head coach John Fox to take over the Bruins’ football program.”

Hacksaw Hamilton reported Saturday on KLAC that Neuheisel had been hired by UCLA. First time in his life he had something, and no one probably believed him.

UCLA CHANCELLOR Gene Block released a statement:

“I’m pleased to welcome Rick Neuheisal back into the UCLA family . . .”

The UCLA family later sent out a correction -- spelling Neuheisel’s name correctly.

WHO FACES NCAA sanctions first? USC, which is waiting to hear what the NCAA has to say about Reggie Bush, or UCLA under Neuheisel?

“I know there are some issues in Rick’s past,” is the way Guerrero put it in announcing Neuheisel’s hiring. If it wasn’t an issue, UCLA wouldn’t be putting it in its press release, which is usually reserved for only flowery prose.

IT’S TOO early to say if the nickname “Slick Rick” will stick, but you have to admit, it’s a pretty slick trick to be hired for your expertise after working for an NFL team that will be trying to avoid 10 losses in a row today.

The Baltimore Ravens were 13-3 a year ago, ranked No. 17 in offense, No. 12 in scoring and No. 13 in touchdowns.

Neuheisel was promoted to offensive coordinator to start this season, and the Ravens stand No. 23 in offense, and No. 25 in scoring and touchdowns.

No reason Baltimore Coach Brian Billick was so happy to wish Neuheisel well in his new job.

WHEN NEUHEISEL left Colorado for the University of Washington, the Denver Post’s Mark Kiszla began his column, “The Colorado Buffaloes have no football coach this morning, which is an improvement over their position 24 hours earlier.”

Kiszla went on to write, “With his voice packed with the sincerity he always faked so well, Neuheisel said, ‘I’m going to have a hard time saying goodbye,’ then did the best thing he could possibly do for CU football on Saturday: He took the money and ran off to the University of Washington, where his guitar can gently weep in the rain.”

For those Bruins fans who believe things will be different here when UCLA plays USC in the big rivalry game, keep in mind that, as Kiszla noted, “In four seasons at Colorado, Neuheisel never beat Nebraska or won a Big 12 Conference championship.”

IS IT the right move? Who knows at this time? And if they think they do, it’s only guesswork or what a credible source is telling them.

There weren’t many folks in Carroll’s corner when he was hired, and the guy has done all right.

What Neuheisel does is bring stage presence to UCLA, and no question that will play great for a while, but it’s probably going to take more than a good song and guitar man to shake up Carroll.

UCLA is betting, of course, Neuheisel can do that -- and don’t worry, I checked. It’s not an NCAA violation “betting” as just a figure of speech.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.