'Dancing With the Stars: All-Stars' results recap: Blond bombshelled

By Allyssa Lee

Sept. 26, 2012 12 AM PT

Maybe she’ll get a Pitbull glow stick as consolation. Alas, someone had to have the distinct displeasure of being the first to be kicked out of the glitterverse in this “Dancing With the Stars: All-Stars” season.

And while she was a fan favorite, the first couple to unceremoniously get the boot at the end of a very long, two-hour results show were Pamela Anderson and Tristan MacManus. And while I’ll be sad to see our bonny Irish lad go, I don’t think anyone could say they were much surprised at the outcome — even the “Baywatch” star herself.

“I was ready for it, for sure — we got the lowest score,” said the most downloaded person on the Internet. Though Pamela added that her ballroom (and her Broadway?) days didn’t end here. “We’ll keep dancing,” she insisted.

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Guess we won’t get to see the dance “tease” that Pamela and Tristan were preparing for Week 2, after all. Though to be fair, none of the stars felt safe from elimination. The level of competition has been ratcheted to the sparkliest levels and subject to more exacting half-point judging. There was even a pre-taped segment about how unsure the stars felt about their standing this season, where Drew Lachey said that those who were never eliminated could find themselves going home in Week 1.

And wouldn’t you know it? Season 2 champ Drew and his new partner Anna Trebunskaya were forced to sweat it out under the heat lamps of jeopardy in the bottom two alongside Pamela and Tristan. Talk about raising the stakes!

The super-size results show started with Tom Bergeron putting his Emmy-winning hosting duties at the forefront as he interviewed each returning star on why he or she wanted to return to this glittery land of cha cha and sparkle. For Gilles Marini, it was living the American Dream. Encore dancer Emmitt Smith didn’t want to be the one champ to say no. But these introductions also served to make fun of some of the pros’ backstage blunders. Like when soap star Kelly Monaco said she still was keeping her day job at “General Hospital” and Val Chermkovskiy said, “You work at a hospital?” Or when the Brazilian Helio Castroneves patiently tried to explain why Brazilians speak Portuguese and South Americans in general speak Spanish, and Chelsie Hightower gasped, “South Americans speak Spanish?!”

The pros showed what they did best at the top of the second hour with a rip-roaring, high-energy routine alongside the Troupe choreographed by Jason Gilkison that was so all-star awesome that it could only end in a triumphant heap of confetti. Gilkison also choreographed the “DWTS” Troupe’s performance later on in the program, which was like a Fosse at the sock hop hybrid. And the Trouper formerly known as Kiki has been replaced by new guy Sonny Pedersen.

The ballroom turned into Club “DWTS” with glow sticks, a laser light show, gyrating ladies (hey, Ryan from “SYTYCD”) and an after-hours vibe when Pitbull returned to the ballroom to perform “Don’t Stop the Party.” We were also treated to a cameo from a glowing smoke monster that looked uncannily like Voltron and Robocop’s radioactive love child had he been vacationing in Ibiza with a fire extinguisher.

And then Justin Bieber turned the tweens to blubbering piles of mush with his rendition of “As Long As You Love Me,” in which the Bieb broke out the Hammer pants, broke through his own Mirrorwall Fortress of Solitude and ended up all vulnerable and in a heart. All together now: Aw.

Favorite quote of the night: Kirstie Alley, admitting she’s a danceaholic. “I have to take it one dance at a time.”

Most helpful suggestion, courtesy of Tom Bergeron: “If you’re really nervous, grab a glow stick: It helps.”

What do you think, ballroom fans? Surprised to see Drew and Anna in the bottom two? Think everyone backstage gets a personal fan?