Family Time -- Steve Smith

When I got my first computer and went online in 1993, I checked out

chat roomsto see what all the commotion was about. I recall exiting after

about 15 minutes, wondering where all those people got all that free time

to discuss all those trivial topics.

A few days ago, however, I was checking the headlines on America

Online and noticed a come-on for a light subject. It read “Carnival

Secrets Revealed!” When I clicked on the headline, it led me into a chat

room with dozens of posts from carnival workers, a.k.a. “carnies,” and

suckers alike.

Sure enough, there were many posts telling readers how to win at such

midway games as the basket toss, dart throw, star shootout and

milk-bottle throw.

According to one carnie who left a lengthy message, all of the games

at the carnivals are rigged.

All of which leads me to the discussion of kids, families and the

Orange County Fair, which opened Friday.

In the middle of the fair, sandwiched between the stomach-lurching

rides, is the midway, the place where famous games are located.

It’s at the midway that most kids learn life’s toughest lessons. Their

fair-going parents are divided into two groups. First, there is the

group that will tell their child over and over again that the games are

rigged and that they won’t be given any money to blow on them.

Then there is the group that says: “Billy, here’s $10 to spend any way

you like. I suggest you stay away from those games, but if you decide to

play them, don’t come asking for more money if you spend it all there and

have nothing to show for it.”

Kids love that line because they know darn well that Dad is good for

at least another fin if he utters it.

I’m in the second group, mostly because it’s hard to tell my kids they

can’t play the games when I’m spending $45 trying to squirt water through

a little hole 10 feet in front of me so I can win a 75-cent Taz doll.

The difference between the games here and the games elsewhere is that

the games at the Orange County Fair are not rigged.

I know this because I asked Tony Fiori of Ray Cammack Shows, the

company in charge of the midway games.

“We want people walking around with our prizes. But our guests also

have to remember that this is a business just like any other,” he said.

Translation: The games are not rigged, but they are not pushovers

either. It may take a few turns to get the hang of them. So just in case

you need an edge or you want to impress your kids, here are my

instructions for children and adults on how to win a prize:

Softball in the basket -- The bottom of the basket is as bouncy as a

trampoline so avoid it. Using a soft underhand motion and a lot of

backspin, toss the ball on the inside wall of the basket to slow its

momentum before it settles in.

Milk bottles -- Woody Allen once said if a hurricane wiped out all of

Coney Island, the only thing left standing would be the milk bottles from

this game. But he’s a famous wet blanket, and here’s how to beat the

system. Throw the ball at the dead center of the intersection of all

three bottles. A harder throw is less important than an accurate throw.

OK, maybe just for the heck of it, you can ask the carnie to rearrange

the bottles one time.

Shoot out the stars -- Using very short bursts, shoot a circle around

the tips of the star. Then blast out the middle. I heard this year that

heightened security may force you to recite the Pledge of Allegiance --

the old one -- before they give you the pellet gun.

Darts in the balloon -- There is no truth to the rumor that the darts

are purposely dulled and that the balloons are under-inflated to help

make your dart bounce off. But just in case the dart sharpener is out

sick that day, bring your own darts.

Pingpong ball toss -- Here’s my favorite. It’s the one where you toss

the pingpong balls in the floating gold fishbowls to win a prize. The

secret is to avoid the frozen rope shooting style. Put a good arch on the

ball and toss it as close to the center of the table as you can. This

technique does not guarantee a winner, but it is more likely to make the

ball bounce around on the edges of several bowls, a sight that equals the

prize and is easily worth the $2.

Have fun at the fair. Go at least twice. Don’t take the midway games

too seriously. And stay out of chat rooms.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.