A tough choice

Luis Pena

One of the most difficult decisions a child can make is deciding on a

change in his or her parents’ living situation.

Orange County has more than 377,000 people who are 60 or older.

That population is estimated to reach 695,000 by 2020, said Mary

Paul, interim director of the Orange County Office on Aging.

Many seniors decide on their own that they no longer want to

handle household duties such as cooking or cleaning, so they choose

to move into a facility such as a retirement community, which has

apartment-style living, said Vicki Chin, social services coordinator

at Oasis Senior Center in Corona del Mar.

But often, that decision must come from their loved ones. And

there are several reasons for children to consider suggesting such a

change, Chin said.

The main reason adult children decide to place their aging parents

into a facility is that their parents can no longer take care of

themselves. Often, the issue arises when parents have a medical

concern that would require constant care, such as breaking a hip,

Chin said.

Safety often becomes an issue. If a parent living alone has a fall

and no one knows about it, it could make a simple injury more

serious. If the parent were in a facility, however, his or her

absence at meal time would alert staff or fellow residents that there

could be a problem.

Another reason an adult child places a parent in a facility is

that if a parent loses his or her driver’s license, she said. The

parent becomes more reliant on the adult child, who has a family and

work responsibilities to deal with.

“Sometimes, I think the kids go, ‘You know, this just isn’t

working out. We just can’t afford the time to keep doing this for

you, so we want you to go to a facility where they will take care of

their needs,’” Chin said.

Adult children should also take loneliness into consideration.

Seniors need support, and one way to get it is by having people their

own age to interact with. Senior facilities offer them the

opportunity to socialize with people they will have things in common

with, said Charu Mody, social services coordinator at Costa Mesa

Senior Center.

Parents who are still living in their own house can be a problem

for adult children, Chin said. There is a lot of maintenance

involving older homes. Having to deal with contractors to do repairs

on a home can be frustrating at any age, but for an adult child who

has a home of his or her own and who may live a considerable distance

away from a parent, it can become a problem, she said.

Money is also an issue when it comes time to decide on a facility,

experts say. Retirement homes can be expensive and are paid by the

individual or their family, unlike a nursing home, which medical

insurance can help pay for.

“You try to make these decisions while the senior is still

coherent, while they still can think for themselves,” said Aviva

Goelman, executive director of the Costa Mesa Senior Center.

That is important, Goelman said, because it helps to prevent

problems in the future, such as guilt for having placed one’s parents

in a nursing home and never having discussed that situation with

them.

Long-term care insurance is an option that adult children should

consider before they need to place their parents in a facility, she

said. The insurance helps cover costs related to seniors who can no

longer care for themselves.

* EDITOR’S NOTE: Next week, Luis Pena will look at the facilities

available in the area.