Elbowing his way through Tebow fans, and shoppers

Here I’m thinking Chargers Coach Norv Turner has problems, and I have two daughters who are standing in line Thanksgiving night so they might be some of the first to begin shopping on Black Friday.

I’m so proud.

Did you know Sears had a great sale beginning at 4 a.m.? They did.

Here I’m thinking about those poor losers in San Diego who are Chargers fans, and I have a daughter dressed in a Tim Tebow jersey sitting in Qualcomm Stadium on Sunday.

“Best time ever,” she texts, and she’s an accountant so it’s understandable.

OK, so I know at this point she’s willing to settle for any old stiff as a husband, but come on, not her team’s starting quarterback.

She knows quarterbacks. She began going to Broncos training camp with me at age 7, watching John Elway throw darts.

She saw the best. Yet now she giggles with delight every time Tebow takes the field. Maybe I have it all wrong and she has a thing for the Broncos’ punter, knowing he will surely make an appearance if Tebow is the quarterback.

I can understand a Broncos fan wearing a jersey with “defense” spelled across the front and back. If Denver’s defense doesn’t play as if it knows its offense can’t score, the Broncos are trailing, it’s Tebow Time, all right, and Denver gets pulverized.

A year from now the guy will be on the bench, and the Chargers will surely be disappointing everyone again.

Here I am thinking it’s true what they say, though: No matter how bad a city has it when it comes to the NFL, there’s always someone worse off because the Goofs still own the Chargers.

The headline atop a San Diego newspaper column Tuesday written by old-timer Nick Canepa read: “Turner will go, but Chargers should keep GM.” They sure are slow to grasp things in San Diego, aren’t they?

Turner was the wrong choice from the beginning, yet the local columnist wants the guy who hired Turner and fired 14-2 Marty Schottenheimer to stay.

I’ll betcha Dan Guerrero wouldn’t be opposed to San Diego and Los Angeles swapping columnists. I have a better suggestion: Why not send Guerrero to work for the Goofs?

Seems like the perfect fit.

WHEN UCLA called a news conference Monday, I thought it was to fire the guy who made the decision to dress the Bruins in clown suits against USC.

Guerrero said that wasn’t the case, because he’s the one who endorsed the white-out.

Later, when I asked if the team will wear those white uniforms again, he said, “Yes, they will.”

Why would any team in college football these days want to look like Penn State?

When someone asked if UCLA might wear them when playing USC, he said, “That’s a different question.”

SO FAR Guerrero has hired two former UCLA players to coach football and a basketball coach who professed a lifetime love for UCLA.

It might be time to pick someone who hates the Bruins, or a Trojan.

GUERRERO SAID the Bruins were going “to cast a wide net” in their search for a new football coach. He didn’t rule out an NFL coach lacking college experience or someone lacking experience as a head coach.

It turns out it was nonsense. When pressed, he admitted he already had someone in mind. So why talk about casting a wide net? What does it say about an athletic director who, when he speaks, there is no validity to what he has to say?

OUR CHRIS FOSTER has reported UCLA seems infatuated with Boise State Coach Chris Petersen.

Why?

So far Boise State has produced only flops when it comes to coaches graduating to a higher level.

Arizona State hired Dirk Koetter, who went 26-10 at Boise State, firing him five years later after he failed to win more than five Pac-10 Conference games in a season.

Colorado hired Dan Hawkins, who went 45-7 in his final four years at Boise State, and fired him after he compiled a 19-39 mark.

Can a Boise State coach, who is not used to taking on more formidable opponents week after week, be successful?

“That’s always the question,” Rick Neuheisel said when I mentioned Petersen’s name.

“Boise, for all the things that they have accomplished, which is immense — they don’t have to play a lot of big games over the course of a year.”

Maybe UCLA is interested in Petersen because the Bruins open with Rice next season. He’ll feel right at home against such a doormat.

IN HIS weekly “Word from Westwood” blog, Guerrero tells UCLA fans he “will leave no stone unturned in finding the best person for the job.”

Do you really want UCLA finding its next football coach under a rock somewhere?

THERE’S TALK the sale of the Dodgers might extend beyond opening day.

I don’t rule anything out when it comes to Frank McCourt, who apparently wants to remain the Parking Lot Attendant after he sells the team.

He took a bow when he signed Matt Kemp to a $160-million deal, but in truth he agreed to pay Kemp $8 million this year rather than the $15 million to $17 million Kemp would’ve received in arbitration.

McCourt also told GM Ned Colletti to cut the payroll. Why would he care unless he’s going to make those payroll payments?

What if he intends to drag out the process?

If he loses his immediate battle with Fox, does he find a way to run a delaying tactic into next November? The Dodgers will be free again to negotiate a new TV deal with anyone, thereby driving up the team’s price.

The key here is to think as deviously as he might.

A SOUR Jonathan Broxton made it clear he didn’t care what Dodgers fans thought about him. He’ll love it in Kansas City then, no one caring much about the Royals.

t.j.simers@latimes.com