Sex, Violence and TV Dinners: What Is More Civilized?

To my surprise, I have received nothing but support against the La Jolla woman who called my wife and me uncivilized for eating microwave dinners on trays while watching sex and violence on television.

My wife has suggested that I write no more about our dining habits, but I know her concern is not personal. She is simply afraid that I am overdoing it. She is probably right, as usual; but having been accused of barbarism, I think it is only fair that I be permitted to offer some contrary opinions.

Some point out, as I did, that civilized people are not necessarily good people: “Civilized people killed off the majority of the Native Americans in an attempt to ‘civilize’ them,” writes Diane Silver of Arleta. “Civilized people demanded that Hawaiians, Africans and the above-mentioned Americans worship, dress and talk as they (the ‘civilized’ people) did. Civilized people spread smallpox, venereal diseases and other benefits of civilization.”

“Being civilized,” writes Deanna Williams of Monterey Park, “means having the ability, freedom and opportunity to do what one wants to do, whether it is eating gourmet meals at the dining-room table while reciting Shakespeare or eating microwave dinners in front of the TV. Personally, I consider the efforts involved in cooking to be decidedly barbaric and microwaving to be the only civilized solution.”

“A pox on these small-minded, smug, opinionated ‘civilized’ people,” writes Joy Logie of Riverside. “I believe, like beauty, civilized is in the eye of the beholder. To me, Mr. and Mrs. Smith, you are regally civilized.”

Some argued that the pleasures of dining en famille are exaggerated. Maxine Schneiderman of Studio City recalls that when her three children were at home, the dinner hour was a time for airing grievances, reporting on the day’s activities, discussing current events and engaging in stimulating conversation.

“As it turned out, it was also a time for whining, tattling, kicking one another under the table, food fights and encouraging a sibling to laugh with a mouth filled with food or drink. Occasionally we were regaled with punching, teasing and major-league belching contests. Invariably, someone left the table in tears. So much for civility.

“We somehow managed to hang on to our sanity and marital status throughout those fun-filled years of tabled togetherness. Now the frolickers are free to perform at their own tables, leaving us to dining a deux, thoroughly content to let the TV do the talking while we do the eating. Whatever highlights of our day we feel hard-pressed to share fit easily into commercial time. . . .”

Now there is a civilized couple.

Margo Johnson of Redondo Beach writes that there is no romance in cooking for two: “I really identify with losing interest in fussing over the evening meal. No matter how many cookbooks and wonderful recipes one has, cooking for two is a waste of time. With just two faces left around our dinner table, my fervor over the evening meal has gone.”

On the other hand, I did raise some heat with my idea of asking my wife to cook a dinner from one of her recipe books and serve it on the dining room table so we could talk the whole thing over.

“What would be wrong with you and your wife preparing a home-cooked meal to be served on the dining room table while talking the whole thing over?” asks Ellie Schiff Bernard. “There is a barbaric, uncivilized person at the Jack Smith house but it isn’t Mrs. Smith.”

“No, Mr. Smith,” writes Margarete Connolly of San Francisco. “One of these days you have a home-cooked dinner waiting for your wife when she comes home and then you talk it over.”

“I do not want to come off here with too much of a blazing feminist attack,” graciously writes Jan Brown of Panorama City, “because you are in most ways a joy. However, surely in your wife’s collection of perhaps 1,000 cookbooks, there are one or two meals that you might be able to rustle up for the TV trays.

“While I might not find the state of your dining room table or your choice of where to eat barbaric or uncivilized, I certainly find your matter-of-fact placement of all meal preparation responsibility on your wife to be, at the least, archaic. One of these days, why don’t you cook a home-cooked meal and have it waiting for your wife when she gets home from work?”

The last time I tried preparing dinner from a recipe was years ago, when our boys were small. One Saturday afternoon when my wife was gone we decided to surprise her by cooking veal parmigiana. When she walked in we had sauce on the kitchen ceiling.

But I have decided to meet the challenge. I have already picked my recipe. It is Lamb Chops with Gjetost Sauce. I found it in one of my wife’s cookbooks.

Stand by for a full report. (If I can’t get gjetost, of course, I’ll have to skip it.)