Evans Has Put Dodgers on a Course to Nowhere

One year ago today before a game with the Angels in Edison Field, Micro Manager Jim Tracy, who was obviously feeling pretty darn good about his Dodger team sitting in first place with a 50-29 record, delivered a blustery “I-told-you-so” rant to reporters -- some had dared to go too far, he said, predicting the team would not be good enough to make the playoffs.

The Dodgers went 42-41 the rest of the way, and missed the playoffs.

(I told you so.)

In fact the Dodgers went into a tailspin right after Tracy popped off.

“No, we didn’t,” Tracy argued, and for the record, the Dodgers went 5-13 immediately after Tracy’s tirade to fall into third place. He’s right, technically it was more a “complete collapse,” than a tailspin.

*

WHAT A difference a year makes. Tracy fielded three questions after Friday night’s 3-0 loss to the Angels and then waved reporters out of his office.

There was no shutting him up a year ago before a Saturday game here, but before this Saturday’s game with the Angels he was both short and evasive, and when asked if the team’s general manager was doing enough to help him, he said, “I’m not going to answer that question.”

I’ll take that as a “no,” of course.

*

I PULLED behind the sport utility vehicle of Dodger GM Dan Evans last month, and noticed Bogey Boy’s license-plate holder: “I’d rather be golfing.”

I couldn’t agree more, of course, and would almost always rather see Bogey Boy golfing at this time of year than picking up the telephone and adding another slug to the Dodger roster.

Bogey Boy’s idea of “sluggers’ row” are the names atop the Dodger lockers in the visitor’s clubhouse, reading from left to right: “Coomer, Ross, Romano, Barnes, Cora and Cabrera” before getting to Lo Duca’s misplaced name.

This is the team that Bogey Boy built, all right, and while tailor-made for a Micro Manager who can rotate slugs in and out of the lineup, you just wonder how good the Dodgers would have been had Bogey Boy been given a mulligan and Gookie Dawkins had made it.

Remember, the Gookie Monster? “Our scouts like the kid,” Bogey Boy said this spring, and it’s become pretty apparent the Dodger scouts just love players who can’t hit. This bodes well for Joe Thurston. Remember him?

It’s pretty clear that Bogey Boy knows nothing about baseball, which I would imagine makes it tough being GM of a baseball team. I spent last weekend in Chicago with the relatives telling me they were shocked the Cubs found a sucker to take Todd Hundley off their hands. The folks in Chicago disliked Hundley almost as much as Hundley said he disliked playing in L.A. after being traded to Chicago a couple of years back. Just imagine how improved the Dodger offense would be right now if Hundley, who is making $6 million, was not on the disabled list.

*

BOGEY BOY, of course, is a riot when he opens his mouth. A couple of weeks ago he said he was going to keep the Dodgers’ strategy “secret,” as if no one knows the team needs someone who can hit. I like to talk to him because he says so many silly things and he makes me laugh, but it’s awkward, because he won’t make eye contact. I presume he’s embarrassed by most of the trades he’s made -- like I’d ever bring them up.

I wanted to talk to him at the Dodgers’ game Saturday night and ask him how Terry Mulholland and Mike Trombley were doing -- OK, so maybe I’d bring up one or two of the stiffs he’s acquired in the past -- but the team’s PR guy said I should call him on his cell phone. Anything to avoid eye contact, I guess. (I wonder if he has trouble looking in the mirror, too?)

*

MIKE KINKADE is at the plate for the Dodgers. He’s considered one of Bogey Boy’s better pickups. He’s hitting .270 with three homers and seven runs batted in. That makes him a power hitter in the Dodgers’ lineup. Kinkade just grounded into a double play. He’s perfect for this team, all right.

The Dodgers presently rank last in eight offensive categories in the National League. Just wait until Daryle Ward starts hitting, which might require him to stop eating first, though.

Now there’s a good chance Brian Jordan is looking at season-ending knee surgery, while Fred McGriff’s career as a big-time performer ended a few years ago. He just doesn’t know it. These are your everyday punchless Dodgers, and remarkably they are still in position to make a playoff run.

The testy Micro Manager, obviously feeling the frustration of watching Adrian Beltre swing a bat, has done what he can with a roster that looks at times as if it’s something an expansion team would field.

The Dodgers started -- that’s started -- Cora, Kinkade, Coomer, Ross and Cesar Izturis against the Angels. On most major league nights that would be considered five automatic outs, or the starting lineup for the Las Vegas 51s.

Despite the lack of offense -- and waiting for Shawn Green to explode appears the Dodgers’ solution to everything -- Tracy said he doesn’t think a trade for another hitter will be the magical elixir. I guess he’s not the only one who lives in fear of Bogey Boy making a trade.

But that’s what is going to have to happen, however, if the Dodgers want to outscore the Galaxy. That’s how bad it’s gotten.

The Dodgers have the chance to make the playoffs, but only if Bogey Boy produces something besides ridiculous comments. Or making meaningless trades for someone like Tyler Houston.

The Dodgers are down to their last out against the Angels. The Micro Manager is sending Larry Barnes to the plate ... good night everybody, and drive home safely.

*

T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com.