Ariana Grande saw unspeakable satanic evil on tour

Have you ever suspected that Ariana Grande’s debut album “Yours Truly” had some undercurrents of unspeakable satanic evil? That the pixieish, radiant-voiced R&B singer might have a direct psychic line to a netherworld plagued with demons that emerge from a hell-mouth cemetery portal and haunt her in ceaseless nightmares?

No? Well, in an unexpectedly gripping new interview with Complex Magazine (via Gawker), the Nickelodeon-reared “iCarly” and “Sam & Cat” veteran admitted that a recent tour was rent asunder by what she believed were forces of unfathomable malevolence straight from the pit of Yog-Sothoth.

After a show in Kansas City, Grande and her crew visited a nearby haunted castle, to their delight. But things took a darker turn after visiting the popular paranormal site of Stull Cemetery.

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“I felt this sick, overwhelming feeling of negativity over the whole car and we smelled sulfur, which is the sign of a demon, and there was a fly in the car randomly, which is another sign of a demon,” she told Complex. “Then I took a picture and there are three super distinct faces in the picture ... they’re faces of textbook demons.”

Complex, perhaps with one giddy eyebrow raised, asked to see the photo. But Grande, alas, couldn’t produce it, because the photos tormented her even in a digitized afterlife.

“The next day I tried to send the picture to my manager and it said, ‘This file can’t be sent, it’s 666 megabytes.’ I’m not kidding.... I used to have a folder called “Demons” that had pictures with all the screencaps in it, but then weird things started happening to me so I deleted it.”

This entire tale only compounds our love for Ariana Grande, and we hereby extend an offer to take an L.A. murder-history tour with her at the night of her choosing.

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