Two Guys Lose Weight: How to dismiss the negative thoughts in your head

NOTE: This is a blog about two guys attempting to lose weight over a six-week period. They kicked off their weight loss “strategies” on Jan. 10.

For every goal there are endless excuses why you can’t achieve that goal. The two easiest are time and money.

“I don’t have time to join a gym, I’m too busy. And plus, the one I want to join cost too much money.”

Both of those excuses are very easy to overcome because the truth is many of us spend countless hours online clicking around the Web, or we spend umpteen hours watching TV or reading books. Or we engross ourselves with our careers and never allow ourselves time to actually live.

If you are lucky enough to get a gym membership at a location that you like, and if you are like me, you’ll start noticing annoyances. The gym is too far from my house, the parking is crazy, they charge you to park, the showers aren’t hot enough, they don’t have enough of the perfect machines, etc. All of these could be subtle reasons for not going to the gym that one extra day a week.

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And we all know, if you can put down that one extra cookie, and work out that one extra day, your goals will come to fruition that much quicker.

My annoyances are never time, money or parking, it’s the people.

At my gym there are several gentlemen who really get under my skin. The first guy has perfect hair and a dynamite body. He’ll just grab a bunch of free weights, lay on his back and just lift them up and down like 20 times. These are huge, monstrous iron disks. Then he’ll waltz over to a pull-up bar and do 20 reps there. Then he’ll go to the leg machine and a small elephant will walk by and he’ll lift the elephant with one leg for 20 reps, and then the other leg for 20.

Meanwhile his hair remains perfect.

Hate that guy.

Then there’s the creepy old guy with a novel. Why does he have a book at the gym? Lord only knows. But he doesnt read the book, he just walks with it and talks to the ladies as they work out. He gives them tips on how to use the machine. And then he talks and talks and talks.

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I have “The Howard Stern Show” playing on my iPhone and still I can hear this old guy talking to a young woman and I want to kill him.

Then there are the naked guys in the locker room trying to be more naked than the next guy. Dudes with their legs way up on the sink using hair dryers to dry their thighs. Who does this at home? Nobody.

There are gents who find it perfectly normal to be completely nude while standing near the TV in the locker room intently watching the Lakers blow out their opponent. Everyone else has towels on, but these men are obviously having a naked-guy competiton to see who can be nude for the longest period of time.

All annoyances that keep people like me on the couch eating Doritios and watching TV at home instead of working out.

Ignoring these people doesn’t work. Try all you want, they will find a way to get in your space and at some point you have to surrender to their existence. And that’s where you should try this approach.

Imagine they are demons. Demons from Hell. Their only job is to distract you from doing what the Devil knows will make you better.

I know it’s silly, but try it. All the crap you’re already thinking about them is made-up stuff in your head, so if you’re going to make something up, imagine something that will help you.

Imagine they are there simply to dissuade you from coming back.

So when you get into the workout area, look for perfect hair guy. Oh yes, there he is. Where else would he be? That body isn’t going to tone itself. And as you are doing your thing, instead of saying, “There’s no way my body will ever turn into his,” say, “The Devil sure put that demon in an interesting body,” and continue with your exercise.

Instead of being intimidated by the perfect-looking gym members, feel sorry that the demons have to spend eternity in the gym while you only have to be there an hour every other day.

As for the naked people in the locker room, it’s a locker room, get over it. Some people just want a little attention. Know that you will get the right attention from angels if you endure the negative thoughts in your head and eat right and exercise regularly.

Diet: Water for breakfast. I know, I know! Chicken salad for lunch. I was feeling sick at work so I had several nibbles of a six-inch Subway chicken breast sandwich for “dinner” at 5 p.m. A friend of mine wanted to have a real dinner at 9 p.m., so we had sushi and sake. Meanwhile my co-workers called me 14 times -- no joke -- demanding that I join them for drinks. So late-night drinks were procured. One shot of rum and one Diet Coke.

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