Another, more long-term Thanksgiving survival guide

Happy Thanksgiving! You might think the exclamation point conveys our sincerity about the season but, in truth, we are not completely onboard with the holiday sentiment -- we regard it with a wariness that is sometimes difficult to contain.

And we’re concerned about you, as well -- with your hopes and your expectations -- and the very real possibility that your holiday experiences will prompt you to call in sick to work next Monday. Or renew your relationship with your therapist. Or both.

So here is a brief Thanksgiving survival guide, something we hope will allow you to gather with other humans on Thursday and not feel a need to retreat or consume half a bottle of Tito’s.

Let’s start with a few words of caution: Thanksgiving is not your holiday. Please read those words again. Thanksgiving is not your holiday. It belongs to Martha Stewart. Or Charles Schultz. Or the Poultry Federation.

Think of Thanksgiving as a day on which individuals must sacrifice for the greater good of the collective.

It does not matter if you don’t like the way your host cooks the turkey, that you do it better and have done it better for years. It does not matter if your grandma comments on the tight dress you’re wearing. It doesn’t matter if you have doubts about your daughter’s fiancé and really, REALLY don’t like his parents.

The people you’d like to make happy (your children, your favorite uncle, your cousin’s roommate) may not want to be there. And even if they do, they sure don’t want you to experiment with the menu. Please do not even think about cooking a rack of lamb or skipping the sliced-bread stuffing. No one wants you to try out a recipe for a fig armagnac soufflé.

Do not think of Thanksgiving as your day, especially if you love to cook and are participating in a potluck. Accept that you’ve lost control and that your job now is to play host with a smile or take on the role of generous, understanding guest.

>>The ultimate Thanksgiving guide with recipes, tips and more

If you suspect your newly minted college graduate won’t stop texting at the table, applaud your remarkable understanding of child development and move on. If your sister-in-law forgets to shut the door when she goes outside to smoke -- let it go. If your dad insists on cycling through his collection of 13 jokes or talks nonstop about the days when he traveled to Asia on business, have another helping of those lumpy mashed potatoes.

Is there a reward for all this good behavior, this denial of your basic instinct to speak your mind, your willingness to make mincemeat from scratch even if your neighbor prefers the stuff from the jar? There is! (And that is a sincere exclamation point.)

Plan the Thanksgiving dinner you’d like for Nov. 28. Or Dec 8 or Jan. 1. Dry brine the turkey. Or wet brine it. Or serve it with mole. Or serve pork shoulder. Kick off the meal with drunken shrimp. Make that stuffing with chestnuts. Or pumpkin seeds. Or skip it all together. Serve key lime pie. Or pumpkin pie. Or beer ice cream.

Curate your fantasy guest list and act on it. If you’re lucky, your cousin’s roommate may still be around. Or your best friend from high school may stop by. Or that guy you met at a book-signing.

The best moments -- the best gatherings -- rarely take place on holidays or birthdays or anniversaries and are instead often random. But sometimes you can give them a jump-start.

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